Here are my top five milkshakes to throw at fascists
😎
We love a good milkshake! Yum! As a dairy-free queen, I’ve had some vegan milkshakes in my life that have changed the game.
But, the dairy-based bloating delight is the chosen weapon against right-wing nationalist racists.
So, for those looking to find the perfect milkshake, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 milkshakes I would recommend!
While some creamy milkshake goodness is made just to be devoured, those on my list can be yeeted.
(None of these are on the BDS list.)
5. Yazoo - banana
I know what you’re thinking ‘is this a milkshake even?” and the answer is yes of course, not all milkshakes look like they’re from America in the 1950s. And the banana flavour, wowowee. Too good.
Banana is a recent go to — although it tastes good, the fermenting smell is foul. So, points for that. The yellow colour will also stain and look like vomit - more points. Also — affordable!
4) Five Guys - Oreo Milkshake
What can I say, my dairy intolerance is just a game to me. What a delight.
This is a ‘hand-spun milkshake’ — which simply means it is made by a human being who puts ingredients into a container and blends them. Love a personal touch.
Importantly, the Oreo bits will get stuck in hair and smear on white shirts. Delightful!
3) Shake Shack - Chocolate birthday-cake shake
Why not add some sprinkles to your milkshake dump? Watch as they fly in slo-mo towards your unfriendly neighbourhood racist and lodge itself inside of orifices and under clothes.
Happy birthday to you.
2) Bulk - idc they’re all horrible
For our gym baddies out there — not quite a milkshake, but a shake nonetheless. Either way, we want to consider access, and sometimes, we’re just leaving the gym, muscles gleaming in sweat, chugging back a protein shake when, who’s that? Nigel Farage campaigning?
Not in your town he’s not.
Flex your muscles, aim and splish splash baby.
1. Creams - any milkshake
Support Muslim businesses!! Founded by Balal Aqil and Adam Mani, it was created for non-drinkers and Muslims to have late nights somewhere — many Creams locations close at 2am.
With its first store opening in Southall, this place is a goody.
This means, when you’re coming out of a bar and Farage happens to walk past you, on his way to his cult meeting, you still have a chance to complete your mission.
